January 16th, 2009
Yesterday was a weird day for me. A good day, just kind of weird. Yesterday was the first official day of me training the person who will be replacing me on an interim basis at the church. There is about a three week overlap between her hiring and my last day. This is to allow some transition between the two of us and what we are doing.
My replacement is fantastic. A young excited seminary student with worlds of potential. I’ve had the opportunity to work with her the past two summers as she was a summer intern here at the church and she has served in the worship ministry here for many years. She is going to do awesome.
One of the reasons it was a weird day was trying to remember and pass on as much information about what I do without in anyway trying to interfere or squelch what my replacement is capable of. I want to provide her with everything I can. Show her every resource I have but not direct the way in which she would use it. I want her to have the freedom to take this ministry in the direction she (along with the leadership) see fit and don’t want my being here for her first few weeks to lead her into the way I would want it to go.
It also feels weird to be coming so close to the end of my time here. I’ve known it was coming for many months but when I started here three and a half years ago I never thought this time would come so soon. I am very excited about what the future holds for me and my family and I know this is the right decision for us (as well as for the church).
Despite knowing this is best it is still very difficult and I am feeling some sadness. This is a job I thought I could and would be doing for a very long time. There are many people here I have grown close with, especially a number of young people.
However, I am getting more and more excited everyday as I’m interacting with potential clients and as new partnership possibilities for the studio present themselves. It’s kind of scary leaving your only source of stable income (especially in an economic downturn) but it’s going to require more and more trust in God and his leading for me and my family. As we trust him more and more I’m hoping that will help us grow closer to him and follow his leading even more.
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January 13th, 2009
Alright. First a thank you to anyone who took the time to read my middle of the night ramblings. Now that I’ve had a couple of coffees and sometime to wake up I realize how vague my post last night was.
I’m going to take time to expand on the conversation with my friend I mentioned last post. Basically, in his opinion right now his calling in sharing the gospel is studying and talking about creation and homosexuality. Other people may have different callings but he believes those issues are his. Even though he said others may have different callings, he believes Christians currently spend to much time focusing on the issue of poverty. (he actually said the phrase “poor Christians are a problem for the kingdom” I’ll expand on this one in another post) He wouldn’t admit it, but the way he was talking he basically said others may believe they have different callings, but their callings are wrong.
I have no issue with my friends “believes” on homosexuality for example. (The impact or practice of those believes is another issue) However, the way he was talking it sounded like you had to have all your doctrinal ducks in a row (I like that phrase) in order to come to Christ. When I pressed him on the issue he stated it all came back to coming to the cross of Christ, but then he started arguing passionately about how all homosexuals he had ever met had no interest in doing that and how we needed to stand up for the gospel. Because I’m not quick in conversations (it usually takes me a while of thinking to put together a coherent sentence) I didn’t ask him at the time but isn’t the gospel bigger than one or two issues? Or his view on a group of people?
Then there are others that I know that are really passionate about justice, or poverty, or the environment or whatever and again they will argue passionately about that issue and their cause.
My buddy over at Walk With Me pointed me to a new online community called Missional Tribe. A blog post there yesterday was talking about how different elements of our theology come together to make a whole. Each part relates to each other. Basically each element shouldn’t just be taken on it’s own. Anyway, I really appreciated the article.
So getting back to my whole Christian identity crisis. I wonder if I’m missing something that I’m not overly passionate about a single issue right now. Like my “about the author” page says, I’m just trying to live in rhythm with God, allowing that to impact my entire life and seeing where that (or better put He) leads me.
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January 13th, 2009
It’s the middle of the night and I’m suppose to be sleeping because I have an early meeting (and well it’s the middle of the night) but I really wanted to write down this idea I had to describe how I’m feeling.
What does being a Christian mean? Or a better way to put it is what does being a Christian look like? Now, I’m not talking accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour. I’m in no way trying to minimize it but that’s a given. I’m talking after that.
We’ve got so many groups with so many groups within the groups. Each of these groups have their own priorities or things they believed they are called to. Some people struggle with the fact that Christians can be so all over the map, I think it’s quite beautiful at times. My struggle is where I fit in this.
I work at a church that is made up of many wonderful people. However, I’ve never felt really connected with this group, their priorities or how they feel God is calling them to share the gospel. That makes serving in a ministry position very difficult. (One of the reasons I’m leaving)
I spent an evening with a really close friend of mine last week who I have many things in common with. We don’t spend nearly as much time as we used to and I didn’t realize how different our understanding of Christianity had become. My views have changed more over the last few years than his have, but he has become much more passionate in the views he holds. The difference in our views were mainly what we thought the priorities of Christians should be in sharing the gospel. I’ll go into more detail in a future post.
I have other people right now that I interact with in a number of different contexts who stretch my thinking and my understanding of God. That is a good and a healthy thing to have happening and I don’t want to stop growing spiritually. However, all of this wrestling with stuff has kind of left me a little lost.
I am certain in my faith. I know who I am. I feel certain of what God is asking of me and where he is leading me in regards to my family and professional life. In regards to where I fit in the family of believers I have no idea. I’m suffering a bit of a Christian identity crisis. What type of believers and which priorities of the kingdom of God I’m suppose to be joining in is beyond me.
I have some friends who tell me this is a slippery slope and I need to be absolutely certain of everything. Maybe they’re right but like I said I feel very certain of my faith and theologically I am not really changing. I’m just unsure of what that faith is suppose to look like right now for me.
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January 12th, 2009
Welcome to Wanting More.
This blog has been a long time coming. I’ve had the desire to create a place where I could share my experiences of faith and hear the experiences of others as well for quite a while. However, I never knew the direction that I would take with it.
I am currently in the process of leaving my ministry position (Director of Worship) to resume full-time work as a freelance musician again. It’s a very exciting and scary time for me and my family. One of the many reasons for the big life change is that I have not felt able to fully live the way God is calling me personally to live while in my current ministry role.
That is where the idea for Wanting More came from. My plan is to share with all of you my journey out of ministry (as a job) and my desire to see more of God’s working in me, as well as in the church (locally and universally) and the world.
I hope this blog will be informative and thought provoking, but I have no false delusions about who I am. It sometimes may come down to me just babbling about what I see going on around me. Nonetheless I hope you will join me on my journey.
Charlie
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