Wanting More

So the big final Sunday is finished. 

As weird as the day was for the family and I it was also a great day. I mentioned in a previous post the peace we had been feeling about the decision and Sunday morning was no different.  While there was some emotion about leaving we were granted a great calm, certainty and excitement. My wife and I have felt that this hasn’t felt like a loss for us but a launching into something more. 

We felt blessed and loved by the congregation. You would be hard pressed to find a more generous group of people. 

Now we are moving onto our next adventure. A time of rest and transition spiritually for us as we try to determine what congregation God is leading us to worship with. We also look forward to new ministry opportunities (I’ll be sharing more about this soon).

Professionally I look forward to being devoted full time to music again. The desire to write and create is burning inside me. The desire to get back to serious practice and improvement of my playing excites me.  The only problem is with everything going on in my transition I’ve dropped the ball in a number of business areas. Don’t even ask how the new website for the studio is coming. (I imagine my designer is getting quite annoyed with my lack of help right now). I’m just hoping that after this week and the transition are totally finished I can get all the boxes checked off that I need to. I’m also hoping there is a reason (that I don’t know about) why it will be better that I waited to get all my promo stuff together. We’ll see. 

I’m also looking forward to developing this blog further. Taking it from a place that I just ramble a little about my current situation to a place where I can share bigger thoughts about life, ministry and wanting more (hey that’s the name of this blog!) of God.

Charlie

So 2 more days till my final Sunday. I’m not feeling at all like I thought I would. I know this is the right decision and was preparing to feel a big relief when everything was finally done but also expected to feel some stress and sadness.

At the beginning of the week I was feeling a little sadness but for the last few days I have been feeling great and feeling  a tonne of peace. This is a total God thing as I usually stress and fret about things and allow things to stew inside me. There have been more and more affirmations as the week has passed and some great conversations with people about life and ministry have only helped to improve my attitude and mindset. 

My only source of stress right now as I head into the homestretch is the pressure we are feeling to come back to the church as members. We’re not leaving for another ministry position and we’re planning on staying in town so the plan all along was to take sometime away once I was finished and see how we’re feeling. However over the last two weeks we’ve begun to feel pressured to return. There have been a lot of comments (well intentioned) about how people hope we’re staying at the church after our time away.  As well intentioned as these comments may be  we really need the time away and honestly have  no idea what we’re going to do afterward. We don’t want people to get their hopes really high that we’re returning and then be disappointed and if we do come back we don’t want a big deal made of it or to feel pressured into that decision.  

In the meantime though I’m doing much better than I thought I would be. I’m sure my last day in the office (which isn’t until next Thursday) will be very weird at the least.  Fortunately my office is already cleaned out so it won’t be like I’m carrying my last box out with me.  I’d appreciate any prayers we can get at this time so we can continue doing well and that life after our transition will be everything we’re hoping it will become.

Hi all

I just wanted to share with everyone how amazed I’ve been by God the last while. I know from my other posts I just sound bitter and grumpy but that is not the case at all. God has been blowing me away the last few weeks. 

You know when things are just clicking between you and God every little details seems to be taken care of and you always seem to have just what you need. That’s totally been happening during my time in scripture. It’s been fantastic as God has been revealing things to me just as I need them in quite a remarkable way. 

I’m in the final stretch of my job and I had no idea what this time was going to be like or how I was going to handle it. While I am kind of sad about the big change I have been enjoying a wonderful peace the last while. I’m the kind of person who can stew about things and let them build up inside of me and I was worried about becoming bitter at this time in my journey. To my amazement I’m feeling light and free right now.  Feeling like I have specific purposes each day (despite the current busyness) and that something exciting is just around the corner. This is exactly what I was hoping would happen as the weight of ministry was lifting. 

Even on a financial level. Daily my wife and I are being shown we will more than taken care of. Financial worry can often be found in our house but again the peace we are all feeling right now is incredible. 

How do I know all this peace I’m feeling right now is of God? Because I’m also feeling challenged. Each day God is showing me things in my life that need fixing or changed. I’m feeling very convicted about things as a husband, father and man in the community that I need to be doing. 

While this is a big time of change I am thankful that God is leading me through it. While there is sadness each day it is becoming clearer this is the right decision. While there are challenges I am excited about the blessings and the future to come.

So I’m preparing for my final Sunday coming up this week. 

This past Sunday we did a big youth band. One member of the team described the size of the team as “epic”.  In my three or so years in my ministry position I think the greatest thing we’ve accomplished is the engaging of many youths in what we are trying to do in worship ministries. There is still a long way to go but some really great seeds have been planted.  Four years ago there was only a handful of youths involved and for the most part that was limited to teenage boys being stuck behind the sound board. That was the only thing the were being equipped to do and they were the only ones convinced to serve in that area. 

This past Sunday we had the youth leading the musical worship, playing all the instruments and leading all the prayers.  It was great. I had a blast being a part of it with them.

It also excited and depressed me.  It excited me because it affirmed many of the things I see that are possible for the ministry that I have been leading. It depressed me a little because I have not been able to lead it to where I think it should and could go.  

I have been very blessed in my job. As worship leading jobs go I have had it very easy. There have been a lot of changes in the last three years and there has been very little “blow up” that you hear about in other churches. Where I have struggled is that we just stopped when we got comfy. There is still so much potential and things that could be done (specifically to engage a younger generation) but not enough of a desire to push through to accomplish them.  That has added to my struggles and my decision to move on.  I want more.  I want to reach for every sky I can. Both personally and as a part of a community of faith.

What a day so far. It is currently 2:30 in the afternoon and this is the first chance I’ve had to sit. It’s been busy. I helped some friends finish moving the last things out of their house today but other than that I have accomplished nothing important.  You know how all organizational and scheduling books tell you to prioritize things that are important not things that are urgent. That hasn’t worked today. It seems like the last few days has been about getting done a whole lot of little unimportant things. Not that little things aren’t important, just the things that I’ve had to work on have been unimportant. 

I spent a lot of time working this weekend and I spent most of that time on very little of the important things I needed to. I spent very little time with my kids (other than a really awesome sled ride on Sunday).  This is has left me wanting more (hey wait….. that’s the name of this blog) and reaffirmed my need for some big life changes. 

For those of you who are new to reading blogs and the like you might not be aware of RSS feeds. Basically the idea is you have a service or piece of software (called a feed readeer) that will automatically check this (and other RSS syndicated sites) automatically for you. Then you don’t need to try and remember everyday to look at the site for the latest updates. It will tell you when there is one.  You can either use the subsciption button on this website or enter the site name in your feed reader. 

I personally use Google Reader. I’ve been super happy with it. But then again I’m also a Google addict. I use Gmail, Google Reader, Google Notebook, Google Chrome, Google Bookmarks. I use Google Apps for my business email, calendar and docs. Google keeps my whole world in one place.  I really should be paid royalties for all the people I tell about Google stuff. Sadly…I don’t.