Wanting More

While talking to Charlie the other evening, I shared a thought that God dropped on me while I was doing the dishes.  Charlie asked if I would write it out for his blog and that folks, is why you’re stuck with this glimpse into the wife’s mind.

It has now been about 10 months since Charlie left his position in church ministry and since that time we have been faced with the question of which church community we should call home.  Neither of us has ever really had a start-from-scratch church hunt before and it is a challenge.  It’s a question that lately has been on my mind the majority of the time.  I think it’s really important to be an involved and committed member of a church family and this search is leading me to ask a lot of questions about what a church should be, what it should look like and what things are most important to me in a church.

We’ve kind of nailed our decision down to two possible church families and are now really evaluating where would be the best fit.  We’re asking what I think are legitimate questions in this process and I’ve been getting frustrated at not sensing clear answers.  Until I was doing the dishes the other day…

It struck me that maybe we’re not asking a big enough question.  The questions flying through my mind have included things like:

“Where will we be most fed by the sermon content?”

“Where will our children be able to make strong connections with other children who love Jesus?”  “Where we will gain a strong social network?”

“What types of ministries are there to get involved in?”

“Where are these churches headed?  What are their core values”

and the list goes on.

Good questions, right?  Maybe not the one God wants to answer.  It flew into my mind that if life is about glorifying God then the question we should be asking is this:

“Which church community does God want us to be part of so that His kingdom will be furthered?”

I believe that if we start praying that, then God will clearly lead where he wants us to go.  I also believe that if we go where God wants us, then all of those other questions will be answered on the way.  He’ll meet our needs because that is what God does.  I just seem to forget it all too often.

So, that’s the thought from the Mrs.  Remember… it was Charlie’s idea.

I’ve been spending a lot of time lately trying to create new and fresh experiences and expressions of worship in my life. It’s been an interesting time.  I’ve also started rereading Praise Habits by David Crowder.  I really appreciate his perspective on creating a lifestyle of worship. I just read this section on page 27 of the book:

“I have tried to develop a habit of having a “quiet time”. Sometimes it would stick. Sometimes it would not. Guilt would be thick when it would not. But for a long period it became what I did first thing every day. It was beauty. The internal joy it brought was overwhelming. Then at some point it went hollow. It’s not that it was a bad idea to form a habit of a quiet time, but the habit had slyly begun to suck the life out of my relationship with God. I had fallen in love with my spirituality rather than with the one whom I sought, and in the end it left me void and wanting. A frightening aspect of habit attached to our spiritual formation is that inherent in the idea of habit is the possibility for meaningless ritual. With the formation of habit there is a subtle abdication of consciousness in our actions. This can twist things that were intended to bring life into cold and empty ritualistic experiences. Indeed we are broken. We do bad things without thinking and when we try to do good things they often end up warped. How can we maintain life in our spiritual formation?”

One of the things that lead to me needing to leave ministry was the exhaustion I was feeling about planning worship services.  Both the planning and leading of the services became such a “cold ritual”. What was suppose to be moving me closer to God had “begun to suck the life out of my relationship with God.” I worked really hard to prevent that by trying to keep things in our services fresh and by making sure I was ready spiritually to lead but I couldn’t do it anymore. The confines of planning worship times for a large group of people who all have their own needs and expectations was too much.

Don’t get me wrong I loved my job. LOVED IT.  I loved trying to create new experiences for us as a congregation and shaping where we were going, I really loved working with and engaging the young people we had involved and I really miss it.  But I became bitter. I felt that I was just a dealer providing junkies an empty ritualistic experience.  (I don’t believe that was true but it was how I felt)

Now I’m thinking through the things I do and things we (universally) do as a church and really trying to examine what has become old and stale (even if it started with right intentions)? What habits or ways of thinking are holding me back from moving closer to God? Or am I just crazy (don’t answer that) and making bigger issues of things that aren’t important?

Happy Monday

Well it’s early afternoon and I need a coffee.  So while I wait for that to be ready I thought I’d do a quick post about my first day out of (paid) ministry.

So a funny thing. After all the talk in yesterdays post about being free to be myself in church (particularly in the matter of clothing) we didn’t even make it out to church.  Just to follow up of the clothing issue, I have no problem with people dressing up for church. If that’s how someone is most comfortable they should be free to do that. The whole point I was trying to make was that people should be free to come to worship how they are most comfortable. I am glad that I now have that freedom. 

Now today. I am feeling energized. I was up early, spent some quiet time with God and even did a little exercise (just a little).  Besides the usual teaching, this week is dedicated to marketing and organization stuff. Going well. It has to. I was hoping to have most of this done before the end of ’08 but it’s coming along. 

Since I’ll be teaching until well after the kids are in bed I took an extra half hour of this morning to just play and hang with them.  That’s a great way to break up the day.

I spent sometime last night developing the upcoming plans for the blog and hoping to share a bunch of that with you by the end of the week. 

Wherever you are today, my prayer is that you feel alive and in rhythm with the living God.

Good morning everyone.

So it’s Sunday morning and I’m not busy rushing out the door or getting things ready for this morning. (Still up early but I can’t really help that). I’m really looking forward to going to church with my family this morning. Helping the kids get settled in Sunday school, then picking them up from Sunday school and getting to sit with my wife for an entire service are what I’m most looking forward to.  (The hour drive to the church we’re going to visit today isn’t going to be a highlight but we’ll make do)

Around the house the last few days I’ve also been joking about having the freedom to wear what I choose to when I go to church this morning. At our previous church as staff we had a bit of a dress code. Nothing too strict. Basically no jeans or shorts and to wear a nice shirt. We were never required but would often hear comments from some church members as well as some church leadership and senior staff that wearing a suit is a nice touch.  It was always done in a joking manner. You know those jokes where they say you don’t have to, but at some point you’d really should.

So I’ve been joking wondering if I should wear jeans today (since I can) or even dress up (since I don’t have to). 

Then this morning I’m reading some scripture, Matthew 15 to be exact. It’s the passage where Jesus is talking about how it’s not what a man puts  into his body that defiles him but what comes out.  Jesus also accuses them of breaking the commands of God for their own traditions.  So what I wear to church isn’t making me evil. 

I am not saying my old church put their traditions ahead of the will of God! Not at all. What I am saying is that sometimes as ministry leaders what is expected of us (both real and perceived expectations) in our roles can keep us from having the freedom to come comfortably to church on a Sunday morning.  In order to fulfill the expectations of what the church is suppose to be for a group of people we are unable to be ourselves. 

There were many times that I felt unable to be myself leading worship either because of the songs that I was leading, the expectations of others in my interactions with them and even feeling uncomfortable in my own skin because of what I was wearing. Was I right in feeling that way. I don’t know but that doesn’t change the fact that I did feel I couldn’t totally be myself. I am looking forward to going to church this morning with the freedom of no expectations from anyone but my family. 

My prayer this morning is for all of you leading a ministry, (and it doesn’t matter if it’s worship, preaching or ushering) is that you will have the freedom to be yourself as you meet with God.

I love the way God works sometimes. (I say sometimes because if we’re honest a He doesn’t always work the way we as humans  think He should, even if His way is best)  I love that no matter where we are at or how much we think we know about Him, He can make Himself new again.  I love the way the most simple passage of scripture, even if we’ve read it numerous times before can be just want we need to hear or read at the right moment. 

On my break earlier this evening I was reading Matthew 13.  It’s the parable of the farmer who planted seeds in various places. (You can read it here) In my current time of change and transition I want to be truly open to God’s leading in every aspect of my life.  I have been praying that He would lead and I’d have the courage and endurance to follow. 

Thankfully I have felt His leading. 

For the last while though I haven’t always been the best at following through to the end with everything.  It’s partly the reality of life and that I feel pulled in every direction.  It’s also partly some destructive behaviours I have  particularly the use of my time and money.  I’ve been praying for a while that God would lead me to a place where my life could be dedicated to a fewer number of things.  A wife and two kids, half time ministry position and then needing to make a living following some very ambitious artistic goals is too many irons in the fire. 

This passage in Matthew is talking about bigger things (specifically the kingdom of heaven) than my struggles but it was also a good kick in the butt. I believe my current transition is an answer to prayer. I believe that God has shown me what He wants my life to look like for the next while (He’s planted a new seed) specifically in the areas of family, career and future areas of service for the kingdom.  I feel like this passage in Matthew is God challenging me to be fertile ground. He has prepared me for these things and is leading me in this direction and I (and I believe God as well) want it to be fruitful, particularly in the area of ministry and building into the lives of others. I may be leaving  ”ministry” (paid anyway) but I feel like I am going to be able to build into the lives of many more non-believers where I’m heading professionally than I ever did working in a church.  That excites me and I pray that I would be fertile ground for the seed God has planted so that I can help produce a crop many times larger than was planted in me.