Wanting More

So yesterday morning I had very cool and annoying experience.  

It was about 6:30 in the morning and the kids had actually let us sleep a little but I was in and out of consciousness singing in my head a verse from the hymn I Have Decided to Follow Jesus.  I looked it up the following morning and it was verse 2 I was sing over and over. 

“The world behind me, the cross before me;

The world behind me, the cross before me;

The world behind me, the cross before me;

No turning back, no turning back.”

It was annoying because it was 6:30 and the only chance I’ve had to sleep-in for a very long time. But it was cool because that was exactly what I needed to hear that morning. Life around has been quite crazy, a little scary and not going as smoothly as we’d like. I mentioned our car troubles last week. Well the night before we had made a decision on what we were going to do. We decided we’d fix our car even though we found out there was much more to fix than we originally thought. 

I’ve had some shoulder problems in the past but it has been feeling great. However since last Tuesday I’ve had a horrible pain in my low back. Unable to bend over very far, play piano or do much with the kids. Found out our accountant and bookkeeper is not going to be able to work this year due to some circumstances in her life. Add on some usual daily stress and it’s been a fairly trying time. Just can’t seem to get the momentum going in our direction right now.  That can make me struggle with some of our recent life decisions and cause unnecessary struggles.

But through all of this my wife and I have been praying more as a couple and have been very close which is of the utmost importance in stressful times. Our kids continue to bring us great joy and make us laugh. And most importantly we have been feeling close to and lead by God. Knowing that our decision to follow him and leave the world behind is the right one. That the difficulties we are facing right now are minor in the grand scheme of things and that God does want good things for us. 

So waking up singing a song I can recall only hearing once and declaring in my spirit the world is behind me and the cross is before me is a great way to start the day.

So yesterday was an interesting day. 

My car has been making some funny noises so I was taking it into our family’s mechanic.  Unfortunately that’s three quarters of an hour away in Kitchener. But I get a call from my pal asking if I want to go to Toronto with him and get a private demo on some gear we’ve both been looking at. I figured the car was going to be a while so we made arrangements for him to pick me up and we went.  

We had a great time. We always do. The demo we got was a lot of fun and it was a great time hanging out with the guy who showed us the gear.  The problem is you always leave those sorts of things wanting more stuff. 

Then I go to get my car. It hasn’t been fixed.  I owe them $45 for the diagnosis. You have to realize I love this mechanic and trust them they have been very good to our family. The diagnosis………We need a new bearing in our transmission. The estimate………$2000-2500! 

I knew going to the gear demo that I wasn’t going to be buying anything any time soon but to now have to pay that much for my car was a little like salt in the wound. 

I got home and shared the news with my wife and we were pretty stressed. We’ve been happy with our car but it’s on the small side and we have two kids now so it doesn’t really meet our space needs. So we wrestle with fix this car and committing to it for another year or two or getting a newer car that would suit us better. We decide it’s better to fix the car rather than take on a car payment. 

Needless to say our evening was ruined. We were grumpy and stressed. We’d have to put off getting new windows in the house and this bill was going to put us seriously behind where we wanted to be financially.  As the evening went on though I kept having that nagging feeling of “what the heck do I have to complain about?” Yes it’s frustrating that I have to pay to fix the car. But I own a car. I had dinner with my healthy family. We slept in a bed kept warm by the working furnace in our house without fear of attack or war.  And for the most part those are just superficial or materialistic things. Never mind all the other blessings God has given me. 

I woke up this morning determined to be thankful with the mindset that I have it all. Because I really do.  So much of the reality of our lives is based on our reaction to our circumstances. Sometimes we make situations more than they actually are just because of our mindset and attitude.  Nothing in my situation had changed but my day was so much better just by thanking God for what I do have. 

The interesting thing after all that. I call the car dealership today to get a second quote on the car. They haven’t seen the car yet but have quoted the same job for $1000-15000. My day keeps getting better and better.

In a couple of previous posts I talked about my lack of devotion times the last little while.  Last night I had a bit of a ah-ha moment.  While I’m not trying to make excuses (just gain insight) I realized why things haven’t been that great in the spiritual discipline department and while things aren’t great they aren’t as bad as I was thinking.  

Let me explain. I’ve spent the last 3 or so years in ministry. When you’re planning services or teachings, preparing to meet with people or do long term planning it’s very easy to stop and take time to pray right there in that moment. After all you’re planning worship of God and ministry for people.  You want every aspect of it (including the planning) to be God honouring. 

I’m not currently planning services or things like that. This morning I’m trying to decide if I start my day by doing some drum tracking or doing some piano practicing.  In this context it’s very easy to forget that God has an interest in each of these details. He knows what the plan for today should be.  He wants the best for me and is willing to lead me there if I just ask Him.  Just because it’s not help with a specific ministry doesn’t mean I shouldn’t go to God for help with each aspect of my life. 

I need to be turning to Him more and more with each part of my day. I haven’t been doing that and I am feeling the affects spiritually. I feel like I’ve been failing spiritually when really God is just revealing some areas of my life that I need to turn over to Him.  I can’t let the enemy try and convince me that things are worse than they are or create a feeling of guilt in me. 

On Sunday we heard a great sermon on Hebrews 10:19-25. This includes the passage on needing to spur each other on. The speaker shared very passionately how we as believers and churches need to take this passage much more seriously than we do. So with this post I wish to spur you on in your walk with God. May you trust Him with each and every detail of your day.

So a little confession.  My devotion times haven’t been that great the last week or two.  Sometimes that’s the reality of life but it’s incredible the effect not spending time focused  just on God each day has on me. I haven’t had my typical sunny disposition (ha) and have been short on patience and joy.  

After a great discussion with our small group last night I made sure I took the time this morning that God deserved. Wow.  The reading that I had planned on doing before my “little slump”  was just what I needed to hear from Him today. Challenging, thought provoking and fresh. 

Man it’s cool how God works sometimes.

Just thought I’d share this with you. One of my favorite blogs is the Naked Pastor.

It’s just great honest stuff that I resonate with. I love today’s post  (specifically his explanation at the bottom).  Me sharing this is not a reflection of what I think about my church but part of my larger struggle with wanting to be fully alive spiritually and how the Christian world and Christian culture cause me difficulties at times. I made a reference a few weeks ago to my Christian Identity Crisis  here   and  here.