Wanting More

Well I hope everyone is out enjoying their summer. Wait….what?!?!? It’s September 1st?!?!?!? It’s quite cold outside?!?!?!? School started today?!?!?!? But… But…. But….. there’s nothing we can do to change it?

Every year around this time we all start saying that summer just flew by faster than any other summer.  Apparently summer is once again defying the laws of time and continuing to speed up.

It was an interesting  summer for me and my family. I said bye to a grandma and a young man I use to spend a lot of time with. I realized how fast my children are growing up as I watched both of them learning to swim and my son play his first season of t-ball. During my baseball games I once again displayed a wonderful and positive attitude (note sarcasm).  I grew an extra limb in the shape of an iPhone.  I became busier and busier with work as my business continues to grow but am wearing down a little as lots of it is not in the core area I want to be focusing on.  (Not that I’m complaining. Lots of people are without work all together right now and I realize how blessed I am to be working steadily as a full-time freelance artist).

As a family we decided it was time to once again begin committing to a family of believers and we chose a congregation we were going to investigate and begin worshiping with. We promptly followed that up by missing four Sunday services in a row. Oops. (I’ve missed more Sunday worship times  in the last 7 months than I have in the last 10 years)

It’s now been 7 months since I finished my time in paid ministry. In some ways it seems like yesterday I was done and other ways it seems like ages ago. Some of that time has been spent in lowly places filled with struggle and resentment. However, I “tweeted” the other day that I’ve been feeling some rumbling in my spirit  (For those of you that replied to that tweet I mean spirit not stomach).  I am all about doing things full out, 100 percent and wanting to do them as correctly as I can and since I left paid ministry I’ve been having troubles figuring out how that works for me in my journey and as we look at getting seriously connected to a church somewhere.  I am in no way saying you need to be staff at a church to be full out for God or the church, not in the slightest. But I’ve spent the majority of the last 10 years leading in some form or another on staff at a church so I’m trying to figure out my place.

So I’m declaring right here and now that I want to rejoin the conversation.  I want to regain the passion in my faith and spiritual walk and do my part for God’s kingdom. I want to be part of the larger church community as we together wrestle with what a journey of faith looks like and how the church is called to minister to the world. I want more (sorry I know that last sentence was pure cheese).

Hi my name is Charlie and I’m a delinquent blogger (Hello Charlie!)

It has been almost 3 months since my last post and this blog needs some major updating. I apologize for my long absence (although I’m sure everyone survived without me). When I started the blog I promised myself I wasn’t going to be one of those people who stuck with it for a short while and then dropped off the face of the earth. OOPS! Well I’m back now.

So why the long absence you may ask. Well the best way to describe it would be that I have had no interest in putting effort into anything spiritual. This includes (but is not limited to)  finding a new church home, study and this blog. I told one friend how I was feeling and he asked if I no longer believed. I said I still believed and would speak for or defend my faith in Jesus, but I just didn’t feel like doing anything with it or about it.

Needless to say I wasn’t in the greatest place. But I’m starting to get my head out of my you know what and trying hard to get back where I and God want me to be.  I guess it’s just a part of the journey.

Hopefully you’ll continue to join me and we can share our adventures together. I’ve got lots of interesting things to share over the next while. Things about me and my journey as well as some information and things that I hope will help you on your journey.

So Monday was my son’s third birthday. I’ve never seen birthday celebrations like Liam got this week. Sunday was a birthday party with 3 of his grandparents. Monday was  a little party with his other grandparent. Wednesday was a blow out bash with a bunch of his little friends. Needless to say this morning Liam was asking about his party and for cake.  We’re trying to help him understand that his birthday has now past.

I had a blast watching all of the little kids yesterday but especially Liam. I love how free he is. He’s just partying and doesn’t have a care in the world. He could care less about what any of us think about how he looks. He doesn’t care if he “looks stupid”. Here’s a couple of picture of him blowing out his birthday candles and how excited he got when everyone was cheering and clapping. (Not sure if they’ll show up in RSS readers or not. Might have to click to the website)

Man I wish I was that free. Especially in my walk with and worship of God. I wish that when I was a worship leader I felt like I had the freedom to just celebrate God like that. Totally free to pour my all into it without a care of anything else. No worries of what others thought. Just giving into the moment between God and I.

Hi All

Sorry for the lack of a Resistance Fighters post yesterday. It was my little guys 3rd birthday on Monday and between celebrating on Sunday and Monday (one more party still to come on Wednesday) I’m a little behind on the blogging.  

So I was walking home this morning from an appointment (yes I chose to walk) and just letting my thoughts run a little. Reflecting on where life is at right now. The big thing that is missing for me right now is some ministry/outreach.  When I was working for a church I was constantly going on about needing to be more outwardly focused and reaching out to the community.  Right now I’m not really putting that in to practice in my own life. We still have no idea what we are going to do about church on a long term basis but this issue goes beyond that. 

I am the only believer in my family and one of only a handful of believers among all the people I grew up with.  Despite this I don’t feel like I’m spiritually investing in any ones life. I’m not connecting with people I should be and I’m not in the community the way I feel believers should be. I am building into the lives of my students and have had a number of fantastic conversations with some recently. I have a few who really feel comfortable sharing stuff with me when they’re having a hard time but I still feel like there’s more.  

Maybe I’m being too hard on myself. Maybe I’m missing some good that I am doing.  I am thrilled with the direction my life is taking right now but I do still feel like there is something missing.  I’m not positive what it is but I’m looking forward to finding out what  it is and what God is going to do with it.  

As I’ve been writing this post the thought that started going through my mind is that the key for me is to be patient. I have a tendency to try and force things sometimes when I feel like I’m missing something. I need to remember that the plan for this time was transition and healing.  Why would I want to force or rush that? I want to come out of this time energized and refreshed and prepared for whatever ministry God has planned for me.  

Thanks for reading my ramblings. This wasn’t my intent but it was very therapeutic.

So yesterday was an interesting day. 

My car has been making some funny noises so I was taking it into our family’s mechanic.  Unfortunately that’s three quarters of an hour away in Kitchener. But I get a call from my pal asking if I want to go to Toronto with him and get a private demo on some gear we’ve both been looking at. I figured the car was going to be a while so we made arrangements for him to pick me up and we went.  

We had a great time. We always do. The demo we got was a lot of fun and it was a great time hanging out with the guy who showed us the gear.  The problem is you always leave those sorts of things wanting more stuff. 

Then I go to get my car. It hasn’t been fixed.  I owe them $45 for the diagnosis. You have to realize I love this mechanic and trust them they have been very good to our family. The diagnosis………We need a new bearing in our transmission. The estimate………$2000-2500! 

I knew going to the gear demo that I wasn’t going to be buying anything any time soon but to now have to pay that much for my car was a little like salt in the wound. 

I got home and shared the news with my wife and we were pretty stressed. We’ve been happy with our car but it’s on the small side and we have two kids now so it doesn’t really meet our space needs. So we wrestle with fix this car and committing to it for another year or two or getting a newer car that would suit us better. We decide it’s better to fix the car rather than take on a car payment. 

Needless to say our evening was ruined. We were grumpy and stressed. We’d have to put off getting new windows in the house and this bill was going to put us seriously behind where we wanted to be financially.  As the evening went on though I kept having that nagging feeling of “what the heck do I have to complain about?” Yes it’s frustrating that I have to pay to fix the car. But I own a car. I had dinner with my healthy family. We slept in a bed kept warm by the working furnace in our house without fear of attack or war.  And for the most part those are just superficial or materialistic things. Never mind all the other blessings God has given me. 

I woke up this morning determined to be thankful with the mindset that I have it all. Because I really do.  So much of the reality of our lives is based on our reaction to our circumstances. Sometimes we make situations more than they actually are just because of our mindset and attitude.  Nothing in my situation had changed but my day was so much better just by thanking God for what I do have. 

The interesting thing after all that. I call the car dealership today to get a second quote on the car. They haven’t seen the car yet but have quoted the same job for $1000-15000. My day keeps getting better and better.