It’s the middle of the night and I’m suppose to be sleeping because I have an early meeting (and well it’s the middle of the night) but I really wanted to write down this idea I had to describe how I’m feeling. 

What does being a Christian mean? Or a better way to put it is what does being a Christian look like? Now, I’m not talking accepting Jesus as Lord and Saviour. I’m in no way trying to minimize it but that’s a given. I’m talking after that. 

We’ve got so many groups with so many groups within the groups. Each of these groups have their own priorities or things they believed they are called to.  Some people struggle with the fact that Christians can be so all over the map, I think it’s quite beautiful at times.  My struggle is where I fit in this. 

I work at a church that is made up of many wonderful people.  However, I’ve never felt really connected with this group, their priorities or how they feel God is calling them to share the gospel. That makes serving in a ministry position very difficult. (One of the reasons I’m leaving)

I spent an evening with a really close friend of mine last week who I have many things in common with. We don’t spend nearly as much time as we used to and I didn’t realize how different our understanding of Christianity had become.  My views have changed more over the last few years than his have, but he has become much more passionate in the views he holds.  The difference in our views were mainly what we thought the priorities of Christians should be in sharing the gospel.  I’ll go into more detail in a future post. 

I have other people right now that I interact with in a number of different contexts who stretch my thinking and my understanding of God.  That is a good and a healthy thing to have happening and I don’t want to stop growing spiritually. However, all of this wrestling with stuff has kind of left me a little lost.

I am certain in my faith. I know who I am. I feel certain of what God is asking of me and where he is leading me in regards to my family and professional life.  In regards to where I fit in the family of believers I have no idea.  I’m suffering a bit of a Christian identity crisis.  What type of believers and which priorities of the kingdom of God I’m suppose to be joining in is beyond me.  

I have some friends who tell me this is a slippery slope and I need to be absolutely certain of everything. Maybe they’re right but like I said I feel very certain of my faith and theologically I am not really changing. I’m just unsure of what that faith is suppose to look like right now for me.